Honesty: How Far?

Someone once asked me a question about honesty in relationships. Though the question was straightforward, I had trouble answering it, 'coz I guess I used to have my own issues regarding this.XD But that's out of the scope of this topic, so we move on.

Anyway, the question was :
How honest should you be in a relationship?

Wuu, that put you on the spot to, didn't it?XD hahaha! Well, it took me a while to really think about it and i made some searching to this myself.. Yes, indeed, how honest should you be?
(and i do hope you're thinking about ALL relationships 'coz this is applicable to them ALL and not just the bf/gf type.XD)

hmm... for instance, you and a friend are eating out, and you notice something near your friend's mouth.. A BOOGER! (man, where do these things come from?XD) what do you do? well, who wants to be walking around with someone who has booger on their face? I thought so. But aside from silently trying to get separated, you could just tell that person in a discreet manner (don't try ""you've got rice on your lips" lest he/she tries to lick it off..XD eew!).hahahaha! But really, what I'm trying to point out here is that honesty helps, not only the person but also yourself.

But then again, HOW FAR?! okay, I'm trying to get there (my head is in complete disarray..XD) I guess, there are times that we need to be honest, and there are times that we should keep silent, and let another person be the honest one. Lemme try to think of an example: *ponders*

let's name the persons [A], [B] and [C]. [C] seems to be having a problem with person [B]'s attitude and tells [A] about it, but [B] unknowingly remains the same. Although [A] knows about the situation, he talks to [C] that it should be him that tells [B] his problem, and not [A] because [A] might look at [B] in a different way. You still with me?

One more thing about being honest is that you should be honest when you know it helps. If it isn't helpful, you're better off to shut up. It's like constructive criticism. We should build each other up, and not try to pull our friends down, besides, what friend would try to pul another down (ooh, boy, crab mentality...)?

It's really a cliche to close this with your standard "Honesty is the best policy" quote, so i guess it might be more appropriate to say: Honesty is the first chapter of the book of wisdom (T. Jefferson). And indeed, it is so, for honesty might not be the best policy for everyone, but it's the best quality we can all learn.


hmm... so i guess that's that. That's all i can share for now. please do post your views and comments so that i may edit this if i made some mistakes.

Quotes from CS Lewis' The Four Loves

The Four Loves (1960)
To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket — safe, dark, motionless, airless — it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. The alternative to tragedy, or at least to the risk of tragedy, is damnation. The only place outside of Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers and perturbations of love is Hell.

Need-love cries to God from our poverty;
Gift-love longs to serve, or even to suffer for, God;
Appreciative love says: "We give thanks to thee for thy great glory."
Need-love says of a woman "I cannot live without her";
Gift-love longs to give her happiness, comfort, protection — if possible, wealth;
Appreciative love gazes and holds its breath and is silent, rejoices that such a wonder should exist even if not for him, will not be wholly dejected by losing her, would rather have it so than never to have seen her at all.
Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art... It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things that give value to survival.
Friendship arises out of mere companionship when two or more of the companions discover that they have in common some insight or interest or even taste which the others do not share and which, till that moment, each believed to be his own unique treasure (or burden). The typical expression of opening Friendship would be something like, "What? You too? I thought I was the only one."
All that is not eternal is eternally out of date.
If we cannot "practice the presence of God," it is something to practice the absence of God, to become increasingly aware of our unawareness till we feel like man who should stand beside a great cataract and hear no noise, or like a man in a story who looks in a mirror and finds no face there, or a man in a dream who stretches his hand to visible objects and gets no sensation of touch. To know that one is dreaming is to no longer be perfectly asleep. Bur for news of the fully waking world you must go to my betters.

The Dawn Treader

THis is the End of the third book of the Narnian Chronicles, The Dawn Treader. Suddenly, the end sounds awfully familiar... this is quite a beautiful way of almost ending the story. reading this part, i was at the edge of my seat and had teary eyes, for i knew what was this all about. Everything just jumps out at you, and you get the point. There is no need to ask questions for there are no questions to be asked. i do hope that you will come to know this story, and the story behind this, for it is the most beautiful story you will ever know, for it is more real than Narnia.

The children got out of the boat and waded - not towards the wave but southward with the wall of water on their left. They could not have told you why they did this; it was their fate. And though they had felt - and been very grown-up on the Dawn Treader, they now felt just the opposite and held hands as they waded through the lilies. They never felt tired. The water was warm and all the time it got shallower. At last they were on dry sand, and then on grass - a huge plain of very fine short grass, almost level with the Silver Sea and spreading in every direction without so much as a molehill.

And of course, as it always does in a perfectly flat place without trees, it looked as if the sky came down to meet the grass in front of them. But as they went on they got the strangest impression that here at last the sky did really come down and join the earth - a blue wall, very bright, but real and solid: more like glass than anything else. And soon they were quite sure of it. It was very near now.

But between them and the foot of the sky there was something so white on the green grass that even with their eagles' eyes they could hardly look at it. They came on and saw that it was a Lamb.

"Come and have breakfast," said the Lamb in its sweet milky voice.

Then they noticed for the first time that there was a fire lit on the grass and fish roasting on it. They sat down and ate the fish, hungry now for the first time for many days. And it was the most delicious food they had ever tasted.

"Please, Lamb," said Lucy, "is this the way to Aslan's country?"

"Not for you," said the Lamb. "For you the door into Aslan's country is from your own world."

"What!" said Edmund. "Is there a way into Aslan's country from our world too?"

"There is a way into my country from all the worlds," said the Lamb; but as he spoke his snowy white flushed into tawny gold and his size changed and he was Aslan himself, towering above them and scattering light from his mane.

"Oh, Aslan," said Lucy. "Will you tell us how to get into your country from our world?"

"I shall be telling you all the time," said Aslan. "But I will not tell you how long or short the way will be; only that it lies across a river. But do not fear that, for I am the great Bridge Builder. And now come; I will open the door in the sky and send you to your own land."

"Please, Aslan," said Lucy. "Before we go, will you tell us when we can come back to Narnia again? Please. And oh, do, do, do make it soon." '

"Dearest," said Aslan very gently, "you and your brother will never come back to Narnia."

"Oh, Aslan!!" said Edmund and Lucy both together in despairing voices.

"You are too old, children," said Aslan, "and you must begin to come close to your own world now."

"It isn't Narnia, you know," sobbed Lucy. "It's you. We shan't meet you there. And how can we live, never meeting you?"

"But you shall meet me, dear one," said Aslan.

"Are are you there too, Sir?" said Edmund.

"I am," said Aslan."But there I have another name. You must learn to know me by that name. This was the very reason why you were brought to Narnia, that by knowing me here for a little, you may know me better there."

"And is Eustace never to come back here either?" said Lucy.

"Child," said Aslan, "do you really need to know that? Come, I am opening the door in the sky." Then all in one moment there was a rending of the blue wall (like a curtain being torn) and a terrible white light from beyond the sky, and the feel of Aslan's mane and a Lion's kiss on their foreheads and then - the bark bedroom in Aunt Alberta's home in Cambridge.

Aslan's End (?)

I started rereading the 7 books of Chronicles of Narnia, and it brouught back those memories when I was still a kid, reading the Narnian chronicles for the first time. Particluarly this part of the second book - The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe - brought tears to my eyes, and made alive in me that sadness and loneliness Susan and Lucy felt when Aslan Sacrificed himself for Edmund. Here's the account of the Stone Table, part of chapter 14 of the book.

A great crowd of people were standing all round the Stone Table and though the moon was shining many of them carried torches which burned with evil-looking red flames and black smoke. But such people! Ogres with monstrous teeth, and wolves, and bull-headed men; spirits of evil trees and poisonous plants; and other creatures whom I won't describe because if I did the grownups would probably not let you read this book - Cruels and Hags and Incubuses, Wraiths, Horrors, Efreets, Sprites, Orknies, Wooses, and Ettins. In fact here were all those who were on the Witch's side and whom the Wolf had summoned at her command. And right in the middle, standing by the Table, was the Witch herself.

A howl and a gibber of dismay went up from the creatures when they first saw the great Lion pacing towards them, and for a moment even the Witch seemed to be struck with fear. Then she recovered herself and gave a wild fierce laugh.

"The fool!" she cried. "The fool has come. Bind him fast."

Lucy and Susan held their breaths waiting for Aslan's roar and his spring upon his enemies. But it never came. Four Hags, grinning and leering, yet also (at first) hanging back and half afraid of what they had to do, had approached him. "Bind him, I say!" repeated the White Witch. The Hags made a dart at him and shrieked with triumph when they found that he made no resistance at all. Then others - evil dwarfs and apes - rushed in to help them, and between them they rolled the huge Lion over on his back and tied all his four paws together, shouting and cheering as if they had done something brave, though, had the Lion chosen, one of those paws could have been the death of them all. But he made no noise, even when the enemies, straining and tugging, pulled the cords so tight that they cut into his flesh. Then they began to drag him towards the Stone Table.

"Stop!" said the Witch. "Let him first be shaved."

Another roar of mean laughter went up from her followers as an ogre with a pair of shears came forward and squatted down by Aslan's head. Snip-snip-snip went the shears and masses of curling gold began to fall to the ground. Then the ogre stood back and the children, watching from their hiding-place, could see the face of Aslan looking all small and different without its mane. The enemies also saw the difference.

"Why, he's only a great cat after all!" cried one.

"Is that what we were afraid of?" said another.

And they surged round Aslan, jeering at him, saying things like "Puss, Puss! Poor Pussy," and "How many mice have you caught today, Cat?" and "Would you like a saucer of milk, Pussums?"

"Oh, how can they?" said Lucy, tears streaming down her cheeks. "The brutes, the brutes!" for now that the first shock was over the shorn face of Aslan looked to her braver, and more beautiful, and more patient than ever.

"Muzzle him!" said the Witch. And even now, as they worked about his face putting on the muzzle, one bite from his jaws would have cost two or three of them their hands. But he never moved. And this seemed to enrage all that rabble. Everyone was at him now. Those who had been afraid to come near him even after he was bound began to find their courage, and for a few minutes the two girls could not even see him - so thickly was he surrounded by the whole crowd of creatures kicking him, hitting him, spitting on him, jeering at him.

At last the rabble had had enough of this. They began to drag the bound and muzzled Lion to the Stone Table, some pulling and some pushing. He was so huge that even when they got him there it took all their efforts to hoist him on to the surface of it. Then there was more tying and tightening of cords.

"The cowards! The cowards!" sobbed Susan. "Are they still afraid of him, even now?"

When once Aslan had been tied (and tied so that he was really a mass of cords) on the flat stone, a hush fell on the crowd. Four Hags, holding four torches, stood at the corners of the Table. The Witch bared her arms as she had bared them the previous night when it had been Edmund instead of Aslan. Then she began to whet her knife. It looked to the children, when the gleam of the torchlight fell on it, as if the knife were made of stone, not of steel, and it was of a strange and evil shape.

As last she drew near. She stood by Aslan's head. Her face was working and twitching with passion, but his looked up at the sky, still quiet, neither angry nor afraid, but a little sad. Then, just before she gave the blow, she stooped down and said in a quivering voice,

"And now, who has won? Fool, did you think that by all this you would save the human traitor? Now I will kill you instead of him as our pact was and so the Deep Magic will be appeased. But when you are dead what will prevent me from killing him as well? And who will take him out of my hand then? Understand that you have given me Narnia forever, you have lost your own life and you have not saved his. In that knowledge, despair and die."

The children did not see the actual moment of the killing. They couldn't bear to look and had covered their eyes.

I know a parallel story has crossed your mind. Believe, because it is not a story.

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