The Cheerful Pessimist

30 Day Letter Challenge: Day 3 — Your Parents

2011-09-02T19:50:00.000+08:00

Dear Mom and Dad,

Thank you so much.

Thank you for everything.

I know for the past few weeks, I have been stubborn and hard headed because of how I am feeling. I hope you understand. I am in a very tough time right now and I am confused on how to cope with it all.

I know you give me your advice, and I am very thankful for that, but to me, they are all words. It's hard. Really really hard.

Mom and Dad, I look up to you and I do not want to let you down, but at times like these, I don't know what to feel.

You have let me go and let me do what I wanted, and I appreciate that. Now I have stumbled and fallen, and you're still there to pick me up.

Thank you.

Please be patient with me as I cope with my emotions.

I hope to see you sooner or later. I will be back home and back to my old self someday. Hopefully.

I love you both dearly, but please do not worry about me for now. I need this time for myself.

Again, Mom and Dad, thank you and I love you.

~kazuo

30 Day Letter Challenge: Day 2 - Your Crush

2011-09-01T20:19:00.000+08:00

Photo by: *ValentinaKallias

Dear you,

I hope you don't mind this broken heart of mine. Thank you for cheering me on and for being there for me. I never expected that you'd message me first, ask how I am and keep encouraging me. It means a lot to me.

But really, I can't say much. You're just a crush, and I know that you're committed to someone else already. I would have said more if you were not committed, but I think I'll leave it at that. I do not want to intrude.

But again, thank you. Thank you for your inspiration, your encouragement, your jokes, your concern and your sweet personality.

I wish I could treat you out for ice cream.

~kazuo

I'm Moving On...

2011-08-31T13:37:00.000+08:00

I'm Moving On

Rascal Flatts

I've dealt with my ghosts and I've faced all my demons

Finally content with a past I regret

I've found you find strength in your moments of weakness

For once I'm at peace with myself

I've been burdened with blame, trapped in the past for too long

I'm movin' on

I've lived in this place and I know all the faces

Each one is different but they're always the same

They mean me no harm but it's time that I face it

They'll never allow me to change

But I never dreamed home would end up where I don't belong

I'm movin' on

At last I can see life has been patiently waiting for me

And I know there's no guarantees, but I'm not alone

There comes a time in everyone's life

When all you can see are the years passing by

And I have made up my mind that those days are gone

I sold what I could and packed what I couldn't

Stopped to fill up on my way out of town

I've loved like I should but lived like I shouldn't

I had to lose everything to find out

Maybe forgiveness will find me somewhere down this road

I'm movin' on

30 Day Letter Challenge: Day 1 - Your Best Friend

2011-08-31T13:19:00.000+08:00

Photo by: curlyhaired

Dear you.

Yes you. I still consider you as my best friend out of all the things and events that happened between us. But despite all of those things, you remain by my side as someone I could give and tell my secrets to without being worried about being found out by others.

I'm surprised and simply amazed that you're still here with me, and I am very glad. Thank you. Thank you for putting up with my stubbornness and my hard-headedness to not move on. I can't thank you enough for everything you've done for me.

I hope one day we can hang out again and laugh about all the random things just like before. But we're growing up, life somehow is getting serious. You've got your life and I have mine. Still I think that it's awesome that we contact and talk to each other when we have the chance.

Most of all, I apologize for hurting you before. I know it's not something easy to forgive, because I "dropped you like a hot potato". Now thats It happened to me, I know how you feel in a way. And it's painful. I'm sorry, and I hope that would be something we'd just talk and laugh about from now on.

Back then I was still immature. I think until now, there's still some immaturity left in me, but I hope that I can slowly let it go and mature in some way.

I just want you to know that I cherish you very much, and that you've been a great friend and that I have never regretted any time I have spent with you.:)

Always know that if you need me, I'm still going to be here for you. I may not log into Facebook that much anymore, but you know what my number is.

Here's to a bright future ahead of you. Thank you and God bless!

~kazuo

30 Day Letter Challenge.

2011-08-31T13:05:00.006+08:00

In my solace right now, I have decided to take on this challenge.

This challenge will hopefully help me cope up with everything that's been happening to me, and also give me a time to recover, and something to keep my mind on. I will promise to be spontaneous and honest when I write these letters, and that I hope to send them out to these people once I'm done.. Or whatever... I may or may not mention names. Really just depends.

Anyway, here's the list. I will update this list as I go and provide links to each letter.

It really does not matter to me if people read my letters or not.

Day 1 — Your Best Friend (Aug 31)
Day 2 — Your Crush (Sept 1)
Day 3 — Your Parents (Sept 2)
Day 4 — Your Sibling (Sept 3)
Day 5 — Your Dreams (Sept 4)
Day 6 — A Stranger (Sept 5)
Day 7 — Your Ex-Girlfriend (Sept 6)
Day 8 — Your favorite internet friend (Sept 7)
Day 9 — Someone you wish you could meet (Sept 8)
Day 10 — Someone you don’t talk to as much as you’d like to (Sept 9)
Day 11 — A Deceased person you wish you could talk to (Sept 10)
Day 12 — The person you hate most/caused you a lot of pain (Sept 11)
Day 13 — Someone you wish could forgive you (Sept 12)
Day 14 — Someone you’ve drifted away from (Sept 13)
Day 15 — The person you miss the most (Sept 14)
Day 16 — Someone that’s not in your state/country (Sept 15)
Day 17 — Someone from your childhood (Sept 16)
Day 18 — The person that you wish you could be (Sept 17)
Day 19 — Someone that pesters your mind—good or bad (Sept 18)
Day 20 — The one that broke your heart the hardest (Sept 19)
Day 21 — Someone you judged by their first impression (Sept 20)
Day 22 — Someone you want to give a second chance to (Sept 21)
Day 23 — The last person you kissed (Sept 22)
Day 24 — The person that gave you your favorite memory (Sept 23)
Day 25 — The person you know that is going through the worst of times (Sept 24)
Day 26 — The last person you made a pinky promise to (Sept 25)
Day 27 — The friendliest person you knew for only one day (Sept 26)
Day 28 — Someone that changed your life (Sept 27)
Day 29 — The person that you want tell everything to, but too afraid to (Sept 28)
Day 30 — Your reflection in the mirror (Sept 29)

Banatan 101 (Pick-up lines to the max)

2010-02-08T16:40:00.001+08:00

Photo: Is This Love by andikapatrya

Malapit na naman ang Valentines o kaya ang Single Awareness Day. Handa na ba kayo sa mga pick-up lines ninyu? Sige lang, tutulungan ko kayo. :D

Mga linyang puro kulay yellow, cheesy at corny at the same time.XDD Humanda na!

Para kang test paper,
Nauubos ang oras ko kakatitig lang sa ‘yo.
Sabi nila kasi libre lang mangarap.
Libre ka ba?
Ikaw kasi ang pangarap ko eh.
Dalawang beses lang naman kitang nais makasama…
… Now and Forever.
Google ka ba?
Kasi lahat na ng hinahanap ko
Nasa iyo na eh.
Sana naging holdaper ka na lang.
Kasi kahit ano, ibibigay ko.
Basta ‘wag mo lang akong sasaktan…
Unggoy ka ba?
Kasi inakyat mo isipan ko,
Sumabit ka pa sa puso ko!
Kelangan mo ng timba.
Umaapaw ka kasi sa kagandahan.
Am I a bad shooter?
Kasi, I keep on missing you!
Do not leave your valuable things unattended.
Kaya dito lang ako sa tabi mo.
Sana camera na lang ako
Para ngitian mo ako palagi.
Para san pa ang gravity?
Kung sa ’yo pa lang,
Nahuhulog na ‘ko?
Mabilis ka siguro sa mga puzzle.
Kasi kakasimula pa lang ng araw ko, pero nabuo mo na agad.
Tumataba ka na yata ha…
Bumibilog…
At…
Unti unting…
Nagiging mundo ko…
Kaya mo ba akong murahin?
Kasi kung hindi, mahalin mo na lang ako.
Minamalat na naman ang puso ko.
Paano kasi, laging sinisigaw ang pangalan mo.
May sira ata relo ko.
Kapag ikaw kasi kasama ko, humihinto ang oras.
Para kang table of contents ng isang libro.
Kasi ikaw ang paksa ng bawat pahina ng buhay ko
Calculator ka ba?
Kasi sa ‘yo pa lang, solved na ako.
Para kang test paper,
Nauubos ang oras ko kakatitig lang sa ‘yo.
Nag-review ka na ba?
Kasi mamaya, pasasagutin na kita.

oh ano, banatan na!XD

Backtrack

2010-01-20T23:46:00.002+08:00

Backtrack

This is what she is to me

She is nothing

I refuse to believe that

She changed me

I realize this may be a shock but

There is nothing about her that is special at all

It is not true that

I treasure her to the core

I must say truly

She cannot reach me with her kindness

It is foolish to presume that

I genuinely care for her

I tell you this

I never cared for anyone at all

it's a lie that

I'll always be there for her

but rather

I'll stay away from her

I do not concede that

She keeps me believing

She encourages me

She inspires me

She mends me

She is nothing like that at all

She is the worst person you will ever meet

I totally and wholly disagree that

She is a wonderful and amazing person

But this is just one viewpoint, a viewpoint I am not familiar with. my viewpoint is the reverse.

Please read it bottom-up line by line.

Fix Facebook Chat on Firefox

2010-01-18T14:55:00.000+08:00

If you're one of those people who's getting a headache with Facebook chat on Firefox (e.g. slowing down or hanging up your computer when someone messages you), then this is the right one for you!

This solution is tested on FF 3.5.7. Older versions of Firefox will work with this method but its better to update to the newest version.

Open firefox and type "about:config" without the quotes.
Click the button "I'll be careful, I promise!"
Type "browser.helperApps.alwaysAsk.force" on the Filter above without the quotes.
Turn the value to True by double clicking or right click then Toggle. Just get it to True okay? :p

Yeah, and that's what you have to do to fix your lagging facebook chat. Enjoy! (This may not work on all systems but majority of the people I've shared with this, it worked with them flawlessly.) Good Luck!

reposted from: here.

Finding The Right Words To Describe It...XD

2009-12-31T03:45:00.003+08:00

I'm getting to feel sooo... highschool (i can't find any word to describe it!) nowadays! It's like feeling pain in your stomach when you're just sooo happy, thinking it was just a stomachache only to find out that you're feeling them butterflies flying around - sort of like riding on a rollercoaster with 5 loops and your seatbelt undone, it's simply exhilarating! Invigorating!

It's such a great big cheer, like eating your favorite ice cream flavor on a hot day, when you just bought your favorite author's now book, coming from your favorite mall, watching your new favorite movie.XD

It's finding everything you ever wanted and needed near you and kinda like wanting something only to get something more than you expected, like seeing that the grass is greener on the other side, but discovering that the grass is greenest at home. It's seeing the whole wide world on a nonstop tour, and to say that "there is no place like home!" It's searching for buried treasure only to find the treasure is already in your pockets. It's exploring the jungles of Africa, but discovering that your backyard is just waaay better than Africa.XD

It's really hard to hide deep inside, like being a 100-Liter bottle, containing 200-Liters of Coke and someone drops a pack of mentos mints in it. (You don't wanna drink that.ahahaha!) XD

It's like nothing could ever stand in your way, and no matter what, you'd still stay like this.XD

whew, that's a lot to say about just one word..

oooh! I remember now! Yes, i remember what that word is: elation..XD

The Woman and the Scales

2009-12-17T01:03:00.001+08:00

    Way back when I was still a 2nd year college student, I entered a screening to join our college newspaper. It was this story that got me in it and become not just a member, but the Associate Editor-in-Chief. It is a story that has a lesson I keep in my heart that I would like to share with you. Read on and I hope you will be touched.

Note: There were minor editions done.

    She was a woman of about 40, beaten by the springs and winters of her life. Plodding on the street, she looked up to the sky. Lazily, a snowflake fell on her tear-streaked face. Struggling to keep warm in her tattered coat, she walked on until she reached a grocery store she had never been to. A tear fell down her cheek as she slowly entered the store.

    She approached the counter, step by step, doubting if she could do it, but her desperation drove her now.

    Standing in front of the grocer now, she had to do it.

    "Excuse me sir, but may I do my grocery here on credit?"

    "I'm sorry, ma'am, but we only let long-time customers have credit accounts," the grocer replied.

    "Please sir, I will surely pay you/"

    "I'm really sorry, but I can't allow that. Now if you will, the front door is that way," he said, pointing towards the door.

    She was losing hope now and ready to leave, but the thought of her family, her two starving children, pushed her to try one last time.

    "Please, I beg of you! Can you make an exception? Please?"

    "Let her shop, put it on my tab," a man behind her said.

    She turned around and saw a tall, young professional. Tears filled her eyes as she whispered, "Thank you, thank you very much!"

    The young man tipped his hat at her, and walked out the door.

    The grocer, evidently irritated, replied, "Okay, but do you have a list?"

    "Yes, right here," she held up a piece of paper.

    "You can take as much as you want, as long as it weighs the same as your list," the grocer said, holding a pair of scales.

    "But that's just unfair!" She blurted out, her voice cracking.

    The grocer shrugged, "Take it or leave it."

    She cried out in despair. Taking a pen from her pocket, she wrote something on her list and put it on one side of the scale. Slowly the scale tipped, as the woman and the grocer looked, wide-eyed at the scales.

    Moving fast, she laid food on the other side of the scale. The scale didn't move. More items were piled, but the scales still did not balance.

    The grocer was bewildered, he was beside himself with shock. He swore and grabbed the list, reading what was written.

    On that piece of paper, he found a prayer. It said:

    "Dear Lord, only you know how much I really need this. I lift this up to you."

Only God knows how much a prayer weighs. God bless you.

The Things I'd do

2009-11-17T20:34:00.004+08:00

(Photo: credits to Factor---)

A quick poem I wrote dedicated to someone important to me. She's one of the most important people in my life, and I consider her as my inspiration. She also made the title for this work, so here's to you...

I'd like to be someone to you

like you have been to me;

I'd like to be the person that

you'll always be glad to see;

I'd like to be the person who

brightens each minute of all your days;

I'd like to show you how much I care

In truly different ways.

I'd like to do the big things and

the special things for you,

And shoo the clouds out of your skies

and leave them only blue;

I'd like to tell you kindly things that

You may not have heard,

And somehow I could raise your soul

the way mine was stirred.

I'd like to give you back the joy

that you have given me,

And that somehow wish for you

to be happy as can be;

I'd like to show you how I feel as I

who travel on

Unafraid of the darkness with you to

lean upon.

I wish somehow that I could

make you smile everyday

Or share a portion of the gladness that

you've shown me along my way;

And if I could have one wish this year,

that wish would only be:

I'd like to be the sort of friend

that you have been to me.

-kazuo

Piapro; How to Register: A Visual Tutorial

2009-11-12T12:20:00.007+08:00

I made this tutorial so some of my friends (who can't read/understand Nihonggo) could register for this site. They really love vocaloid stuff more than I do, so here's to you guys!:D (I love JMusic, that's why I registered in Piapro too) But anyway, on to the tutorial!

Comment please!^^

Piapro (www.piapro.jp) is a community of creators that distribute content (eg, original songs, and illustrations) on the net for others to see, to collaborate, and create content, aiming to gain a spot in it's "Hall of Creation".

It's actually very much (but not quite) a combination of deviantart + imeem.

Piapro aims to provide a variety of opportunities for artists to demonstrate their creativity and foster a culture.

My Piapro Account
The Account made from this tutorial

I'll try to teach you how to register step by step (Although an account is not really necessary for you to listen to songs/see artworks):

STEP 1:
First off, click the "Register here" link found at the right hand side under thee log-in box:

STEP 2:
You'll see the Terms and Conditions page. Basically, what it tells you is that you will not misuse/abuse the site in any way, and that you will not upload copyrighted stuff in it, and that you are liable for what you upload. click the "I accept" button.

STEP 3:
A bit more japanese here, but it gets more interesting. Enter your email address in the box and click the button.

STEP 4:
A message has been sent to your email inbox with a link for you to register. check it out.

STEP 5:
It should look like this. Click the link to continue registering

STEP 6:
Now this is more of a challenge.:D
1. pick your username: 4-24 characters in length, alphanumeric and underscores are only allowed
2. your password. type it twice, once per box
3. your avatar. the first button lets you pick from their avatar library, the second lets you upload one yourself.
4. Year and month of birth. type in your year of birth (1987 for me) and month (1 for January, 2 for February, etc.)
5. nickname. the top radio button says not specified, the bottom one says specified. If you picked the latter, you need to specify a nickname for yourself in the box below, 24 characters max
6. a description of yourself. It can be left blank
7. gender. "male", "female", "not specified" (note below it says "gender will not be shown")
Other than the description box, do not leave anything blank.

STEP 7:
If you've entered everything correctly, you will be taken to the confirmation screen. Just click the "next" button if you're satisfied. you can click the "back" button otherwise. (LEN FTW!XD)

Congratulations, you have successfully registered a Piapro account! click on the link to go the Piapro's homepage and start browsing.
Additional info: you can set up mobile access also here on this screen, but that's outside the scope of this tutorial

Here's how it looks like when you're logged in.

whew!:D Happy huntin' and see you around Piapro!:D

Walking Away

2009-11-11T23:44:00.003+08:00

(Taken from my old blog, dated Jan 29, '09 5:19 AM)

Walking away isn't always a bad thing for all of us, 'coz sometimes, walking away just means walking onwards. We can never stay where we are for far too long, or else we are left behind. We all need to learn how to walk away - from our past, from our fears, from our temptations, from regrets, from hurts and pains, anger, sadness, or whatever it is we have.

As someone once told me, pain is inevitable, but misery is a choice - a choice we all make in each of our everyday lives. So what if I'm in pain? I can't let this control who I am. Let go.

But it's just so hard to do. "Why let go?" some would say, "I know it's painful to hold on, and it's also painful to let go, so I'll keep holding on, after all, it's me who feels the pain." To a person like you, I'd say that's pretty noble, but also equally nobly stupid. Why deepen the wound?

Walking away to some would be cowardice, but it's not. It's a brave choice we make, and when we walk away, we are telling others that we are moving on through life - no matter how painful it is. We just can't be left behind by our own issues, because what causes these issues most are not external factors but internal. It is us who decide what is painful and what is not - for instance, being called "stupid" or "idiotic". Some have called me those names, and I make a choice not to respond negatively. Let it pass out the other ear. They don't know a thing about who you are and what you're going through. Don't stop and give them the indulgence.

I'm no guru of life, but I've had my fill of life as well as taste my own flavors of inner demons, disappointments, desires, and madness... Life IS crazy, but I'm not saying that when you walk away, life would be less crazier, I'm saying that when you walk away, you give yourself a chance to fight another day, and to give yourself a rest.

Sure, it's okay to cry a little, sob a bit, pick yourself up, dust off....

And walk away.

Walk away and don't look back.

There's nothing for you behind when you're going forward...

Nothing...

Knocking [extrended]

2009-11-11T23:28:00.001+08:00

(Taken from my old blog dated July 12, '08 6:20 PM)
Note: The first part was written by ossie. i opted to write a bit more about it...

Why do we fear? Death, failure, humiliation; they all equate to nothing the moment you step outside your comfort zone.

Life is not a box, neither is the world. Beyond the fences we built around us are greater things - things so amazing that would make you wonder how more heavenly heaven really is. Choosing to contain yourself in the mere satisfaction of your four walls is denying your purpose that was hand-written for you. The universe is for us to marvel at, when we refuse to see what's beyond the sky at night, we underrate the artistry that was carefully stitched for us to delight in.
it is not a request for you to open up, it's a mandate.

===========================================

Oz is right about this one. We usually confine ourselves to the familiar and the known. The places we feel at home and the places we feel safe.

It's okay to stay in places like that, but then, there are more pressing choices that we need to take:

Either we stay in our comfort zones - unchanged, or move to the uncharted territory and learn... Learn that death isn't that scary, failures are just phases for us to learn, and humiliation is a time to learn how to be humble. .

Yes, the fear is there. We can heed to the fear and find ourselves controlled by it - discouraged by it, pounded to the ground and paralyzed, or we can have faith and step up.

It's either move out or keep out.
Be changed or unchanged.
Paralyzed or free.
Far or faith.

It's time to fear nothing and be free.

Band-aids and Chasms

2009-11-10T06:30:00.006+08:00

I woke up today the same way I woke up for several months now - in pain.

I never thought it'd take me this long - nor that 'til now, I'd still be struggling. I always thought that I'd get over it quickly and quietly, but I guess that never happened.

I masked the pain with a lot of things: I masked it with friends, with business, and with petty things that take some time. Bit by bit, all it did was waste my time. I was only trying to ease the pain of an amputated arm with a piece of band aid.

"An amputated arm?" you ask, "Isn't that a bit too extreme?" No, I guess not really. There are just things that are too important to us, that are hard to live without. And when we lose it, we just start - limping.

And after all the limping, I just started denying - "I'll be okay, really," "I'll get over it someday," "(shrugs) I don't need it that much anyway." are the stuff I tell myself. But I knew deep down I never was. Like trying to fill a chasm with sand from a sandbox.

So instead of trying to fill that chasm, I decided to ignore it and capped it with some sort of cover, like a manhole keeps all the stench of the sewers (and the sewers itself) away from passersby. But that was more of a temporary solution than a permanent one, for the cap was inadequate and I found myself falling in that hole more often.

So I learned to live with that hole, and the stench that came with it. But soon after, I yearned for change. I tried submitting it to God, but God always handed it back to me with some more; "God, what's wrong?"I asked, "Don't you want to fix me?" and He was thereafter silent.

Now I lay open to you the stench and the sewers of my pain - and I leave you to decide what you think of it, or of me. It matters little to me whether you judge me or not. But judge me well if you do.

'Cuz no matter what I try, I just can't fix myself.

*goes back to sleep*

Honesty: How Far?

2008-05-31T05:28:00.001+08:00

Someone once asked me a question about honesty in relationships. Though the question was straightforward, I had trouble answering it, 'coz I guess I used to have my own issues regarding this.XD But that's out of the scope of this topic, so we move on.

Anyway, the question was :
How honest should you be in a relationship?

Wuu, that put you on the spot to, didn't it?XD hahaha! Well, it took me a while to really think about it and i made some searching to this myself.. Yes, indeed, how honest should you be?
(and i do hope you're thinking about ALL relationships 'coz this is applicable to them ALL and not just the bf/gf type.XD)

hmm... for instance, you and a friend are eating out, and you notice something near your friend's mouth.. A BOOGER! (man, where do these things come from?XD) what do you do? well, who wants to be walking around with someone who has booger on their face? I thought so. But aside from silently trying to get separated, you could just tell that person in a discreet manner (don't try ""you've got rice on your lips" lest he/she tries to lick it off..XD eew!).hahahaha! But really, what I'm trying to point out here is that honesty helps, not only the person but also yourself.

But then again, HOW FAR?! okay, I'm trying to get there (my head is in complete disarray..XD) I guess, there are times that we need to be honest, and there are times that we should keep silent, and let another person be the honest one. Lemme try to think of an example: *ponders*

let's name the persons [A], [B] and [C]. [C] seems to be having a problem with person [B]'s attitude and tells [A] about it, but [B] unknowingly remains the same. Although [A] knows about the situation, he talks to [C] that it should be him that tells [B] his problem, and not [A] because [A] might look at [B] in a different way. You still with me?

One more thing about being honest is that you should be honest when you know it helps. If it isn't helpful, you're better off to shut up. It's like constructive criticism. We should build each other up, and not try to pull our friends down, besides, what friend would try to pul another down (ooh, boy, crab mentality...)?

It's really a cliche to close this with your standard "Honesty is the best policy" quote, so i guess it might be more appropriate to say: Honesty is the first chapter of the book of wisdom (T. Jefferson). And indeed, it is so, for honesty might not be the best policy for everyone, but it's the best quality we can all learn.

hmm... so i guess that's that. That's all i can share for now. please do post your views and comments so that i may edit this if i made some mistakes.

Quotes from CS Lewis' The Four Loves

2008-05-15T06:39:00.001+08:00

The Four Loves (1960)
To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket — safe, dark, motionless, airless — it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. The alternative to tragedy, or at least to the risk of tragedy, is damnation. The only place outside of Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers and perturbations of love is Hell.

Need-love cries to God from our poverty;
Gift-love longs to serve, or even to suffer for, God;
Appreciative love says: "We give thanks to thee for thy great glory."
Need-love says of a woman "I cannot live without her";
Gift-love longs to give her happiness, comfort, protection — if possible, wealth;
Appreciative love gazes and holds its breath and is silent, rejoices that such a wonder should exist even if not for him, will not be wholly dejected by losing her, would rather have it so than never to have seen her at all.
Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art... It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things that give value to survival.
Friendship arises out of mere companionship when two or more of the companions discover that they have in common some insight or interest or even taste which the others do not share and which, till that moment, each believed to be his own unique treasure (or burden). The typical expression of opening Friendship would be something like, "What? You too? I thought I was the only one."
All that is not eternal is eternally out of date.
If we cannot "practice the presence of God," it is something to practice the absence of God, to become increasingly aware of our unawareness till we feel like man who should stand beside a great cataract and hear no noise, or like a man in a story who looks in a mirror and finds no face there, or a man in a dream who stretches his hand to visible objects and gets no sensation of touch. To know that one is dreaming is to no longer be perfectly asleep. Bur for news of the fully waking world you must go to my betters.

The Dawn Treader

2008-05-12T04:41:00.000+08:00

THis is the End of the third book of the Narnian Chronicles, The Dawn Treader. Suddenly, the end sounds awfully familiar... this is quite a beautiful way of almost ending the story. reading this part, i was at the edge of my seat and had teary eyes, for i knew what was this all about. Everything just jumps out at you, and you get the point. There is no need to ask questions for there are no questions to be asked. i do hope that you will come to know this story, and the story behind this, for it is the most beautiful story you will ever know, for it is more real than Narnia.

The children got out of the boat and waded - not towards the wave but southward with the wall of water on their left. They could not have told you why they did this; it was their fate. And though they had felt - and been very grown-up on the Dawn Treader, they now felt just the opposite and held hands as they waded through the lilies. They never felt tired. The water was warm and all the time it got shallower. At last they were on dry sand, and then on grass - a huge plain of very fine short grass, almost level with the Silver Sea and spreading in every direction without so much as a molehill.

And of course, as it always does in a perfectly flat place without trees, it looked as if the sky came down to meet the grass in front of them. But as they went on they got the strangest impression that here at last the sky did really come down and join the earth - a blue wall, very bright, but real and solid: more like glass than anything else. And soon they were quite sure of it. It was very near now.

But between them and the foot of the sky there was something so white on the green grass that even with their eagles' eyes they could hardly look at it. They came on and saw that it was a Lamb.

"Come and have breakfast," said the Lamb in its sweet milky voice.

Then they noticed for the first time that there was a fire lit on the grass and fish roasting on it. They sat down and ate the fish, hungry now for the first time for many days. And it was the most delicious food they had ever tasted.

"Please, Lamb," said Lucy, "is this the way to Aslan's country?"

"Not for you," said the Lamb. "For you the door into Aslan's country is from your own world."

"What!" said Edmund. "Is there a way into Aslan's country from our world too?"

"There is a way into my country from all the worlds," said the Lamb; but as he spoke his snowy white flushed into tawny gold and his size changed and he was Aslan himself, towering above them and scattering light from his mane.

"Oh, Aslan," said Lucy. "Will you tell us how to get into your country from our world?"

"I shall be telling you all the time," said Aslan. "But I will not tell you how long or short the way will be; only that it lies across a river. But do not fear that, for I am the great Bridge Builder. And now come; I will open the door in the sky and send you to your own land."

"Please, Aslan," said Lucy. "Before we go, will you tell us when we can come back to Narnia again? Please. And oh, do, do, do make it soon." '

"Dearest," said Aslan very gently, "you and your brother will never come back to Narnia."

"Oh, Aslan!!" said Edmund and Lucy both together in despairing voices.

"You are too old, children," said Aslan, "and you must begin to come close to your own world now."

"It isn't Narnia, you know," sobbed Lucy. "It's you. We shan't meet you there. And how can we live, never meeting you?"

"But you shall meet me, dear one," said Aslan.

"Are are you there too, Sir?" said Edmund.

"I am," said Aslan."But there I have another name. You must learn to know me by that name. This was the very reason why you were brought to Narnia, that by knowing me here for a little, you may know me better there."

"And is Eustace never to come back here either?" said Lucy.

"Child," said Aslan, "do you really need to know that? Come, I am opening the door in the sky." Then all in one moment there was a rending of the blue wall (like a curtain being torn) and a terrible white light from beyond the sky, and the feel of Aslan's mane and a Lion's kiss on their foreheads and then - the bark bedroom in Aunt Alberta's home in Cambridge.

Aslan's End (?)

2008-05-07T04:15:00.000+08:00

I started rereading the 7 books of Chronicles of Narnia, and it brouught back those memories when I was still a kid, reading the Narnian chronicles for the first time. Particluarly this part of the second book - The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe - brought tears to my eyes, and made alive in me that sadness and loneliness Susan and Lucy felt when Aslan Sacrificed himself for Edmund. Here's the account of the Stone Table, part of chapter 14 of the book.

A great crowd of people were standing all round the Stone Table and though the moon was shining many of them carried torches which burned with evil-looking red flames and black smoke. But such people! Ogres with monstrous teeth, and wolves, and bull-headed men; spirits of evil trees and poisonous plants; and other creatures whom I won't describe because if I did the grownups would probably not let you read this book - Cruels and Hags and Incubuses, Wraiths, Horrors, Efreets, Sprites, Orknies, Wooses, and Ettins. In fact here were all those who were on the Witch's side and whom the Wolf had summoned at her command. And right in the middle, standing by the Table, was the Witch herself.

A howl and a gibber of dismay went up from the creatures when they first saw the great Lion pacing towards them, and for a moment even the Witch seemed to be struck with fear. Then she recovered herself and gave a wild fierce laugh.

"The fool!" she cried. "The fool has come. Bind him fast."

Lucy and Susan held their breaths waiting for Aslan's roar and his spring upon his enemies. But it never came. Four Hags, grinning and leering, yet also (at first) hanging back and half afraid of what they had to do, had approached him. "Bind him, I say!" repeated the White Witch. The Hags made a dart at him and shrieked with triumph when they found that he made no resistance at all. Then others - evil dwarfs and apes - rushed in to help them, and between them they rolled the huge Lion over on his back and tied all his four paws together, shouting and cheering as if they had done something brave, though, had the Lion chosen, one of those paws could have been the death of them all. But he made no noise, even when the enemies, straining and tugging, pulled the cords so tight that they cut into his flesh. Then they began to drag him towards the Stone Table.

"Stop!" said the Witch. "Let him first be shaved."

Another roar of mean laughter went up from her followers as an ogre with a pair of shears came forward and squatted down by Aslan's head. Snip-snip-snip went the shears and masses of curling gold began to fall to the ground. Then the ogre stood back and the children, watching from their hiding-place, could see the face of Aslan looking all small and different without its mane. The enemies also saw the difference.

"Why, he's only a great cat after all!" cried one.

"Is that what we were afraid of?" said another.

And they surged round Aslan, jeering at him, saying things like "Puss, Puss! Poor Pussy," and "How many mice have you caught today, Cat?" and "Would you like a saucer of milk, Pussums?"

"Oh, how can they?" said Lucy, tears streaming down her cheeks. "The brutes, the brutes!" for now that the first shock was over the shorn face of Aslan looked to her braver, and more beautiful, and more patient than ever.

"Muzzle him!" said the Witch. And even now, as they worked about his face putting on the muzzle, one bite from his jaws would have cost two or three of them their hands. But he never moved. And this seemed to enrage all that rabble. Everyone was at him now. Those who had been afraid to come near him even after he was bound began to find their courage, and for a few minutes the two girls could not even see him - so thickly was he surrounded by the whole crowd of creatures kicking him, hitting him, spitting on him, jeering at him.

At last the rabble had had enough of this. They began to drag the bound and muzzled Lion to the Stone Table, some pulling and some pushing. He was so huge that even when they got him there it took all their efforts to hoist him on to the surface of it. Then there was more tying and tightening of cords.

"The cowards! The cowards!" sobbed Susan. "Are they still afraid of him, even now?"

When once Aslan had been tied (and tied so that he was really a mass of cords) on the flat stone, a hush fell on the crowd. Four Hags, holding four torches, stood at the corners of the Table. The Witch bared her arms as she had bared them the previous night when it had been Edmund instead of Aslan. Then she began to whet her knife. It looked to the children, when the gleam of the torchlight fell on it, as if the knife were made of stone, not of steel, and it was of a strange and evil shape.

As last she drew near. She stood by Aslan's head. Her face was working and twitching with passion, but his looked up at the sky, still quiet, neither angry nor afraid, but a little sad. Then, just before she gave the blow, she stooped down and said in a quivering voice,

"And now, who has won? Fool, did you think that by all this you would save the human traitor? Now I will kill you instead of him as our pact was and so the Deep Magic will be appeased. But when you are dead what will prevent me from killing him as well? And who will take him out of my hand then? Understand that you have given me Narnia forever, you have lost your own life and you have not saved his. In that knowledge, despair and die."

The children did not see the actual moment of the killing. They couldn't bear to look and had covered their eyes.

I know a parallel story has crossed your mind. Believe, because it is not a story.

search and download free mp3s via google!

2008-05-06T10:55:00.001+08:00

-inurl(com|htm|html|php) intitle:"index of" +"last modified" +"parent directory" +description +size +(wma|mp3) "The Who"

that's it! just change the "The Who" into any keyword you're looking for, paste it into google, search and you'll find lotsa stuff..XD

I Delight

2008-04-21T04:02:00.000+08:00

NOTE: This is just the first of a series of essays/compositions i made on the subject. This message came to me on a day like no other, when God spoke to me in a whole different way. I would like to share His message to me to everyone else. I do hope you would take the time to read this.

I DELIGHT

“Delight thyself also in the LORD; and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart.” - Psalm 37:4

Oftentimes, we quote this verse as a motivation for us to continue Gods work, without really understanding what it all means. Basically, as we have understood this verse, there is a promise. But before that promise can be fulfilled, we have to first do something.

To delight.

Ever find this line familiar: "Lord, I’m doing everything I can for you, I’m going to church, involved in a ministry, play in the church band, do missions. Just, please grant this desire in my heart."

What is that all about? Well, we have here someone who believes that God will grant his request by working for God. Is anything wrong with that? By all means, yes! God doesn’t want you to work for Him! Who even asked you to work for God in the first place? God wants you just to DELIGHT in Him.

What do you mean by DELIGHTING anyway? The word rendered “delight” means properly to live delicately and effeminately; then, to be tender or delicate; then, to live a life of ease or pleasure; then, to find delight or pleasure in anything. The meaning here is, that we should seek our happiness in God - in his being, his perfections, his friendship, his love.

A person involved in the ministry doesn't always mean that this person is delighting in God. In the same way, a person not in ministry doesn't always mean that this person is not taking any delight in God. Delighting in God cannot be measured by the ministry we are in, because ministry is just an outflow of that delight from our hearts. The moment you find yourself thinking that God will answer your prayers because of your ministry, think again. Maybe, you should stop and evaluate yourself first. Check your motives. Am I in this ministry because I take delight in God, or just because it has just become a habit? Something for me to do?

"But how about 'Seek first His kingdom and all these things...'?"

It says the same thing. Ministry is NOT HIS KINGDOM! Reevaluate yourself. Are you busy for the kingdom, or for the King?

Recently, I had this conversation with a fellow believer. He was out of school, but it didn't stop him from asking God to make him successful in his life. He was also quite confident that God will work everything out in his life, but

"I just couldn't understand what's taking Him so long to act, I mean, I've been in the ministry for a while."
"How much time do you invest in your ministry anyway?" I asked him.
"Well, I go to church about three times a week..." he thinks.
"And how long do you spend time alone with God?" He got the message.

Our personal time with God is more important than any ministry we are in! If you claim to have that relationship with God, then YOU MUST SPEND TIME WITH HIM! A true relationship with God will never last without spending personal time and communication. Even this is true with earthly relationships.

The past semester, I was quite active in the ministry. I had bible studies every Tuesdays and Thursdays, Wednesday prayer meetings, Friday and Saturday practices, not to mention Sunday morning AND evening church services. I practically lived at church. And I thought I truly delighted in Him through this.

I forgot to mention that I am still a student. My grades were good, I was excelling in my studies and had been in the top three of my class since my first year (I am now a senior). But then something happened. Something I -even my classmates, seniors and professors- had never expected coming: I failed a subject! Despite my hard work, perfect attendance, researches and studying, I failed. What’s more, this professor who gave me a failing grade was an elder of the church I attended! How humiliating! How was I ever going to explain this to my parents? I asked God again and again what I have done wrong, and the answer came out the same.

SEEK ME.

But, Lord, how? Didn’t I seek you enough through my ministries?

SERVING IN MINISTRIES IS NOT SEEKING ME. JUST SEEK ME, AND YOU WILL FIND ME.

So I did. I found myself encouraged and comforted. I will be graduating next march, still on the top three of class, and I am expectant of more of His blessings in my life.

You see, it’s not about the ministry, it’s about God.

Paul writes:

“But Christ has shown me that what I once thought was valuable is worthless. NOTHING IS AS WONDERFUL AS KNOWING CHRIST JESUS MY LORD. I have given up everything else and count it all as garbage. All I want is Christ and to know that I belong to him…. ALL I WANT IS TO KNOW CHRIST and the power that raised him to life….” (Phil 3: 7 - 12)

This should be clear enough for us to understand, that we should change the way we think about ministry. We should change our priorities and start seeking Him, because everything else is garbage.

Now, before I close this short exhortation, I would like to use this example:

When God rejected Saul as king, and Samuel was weeping for Saul, God said to Samuel: “why weep over something I have rejected? I have found a man who is after my heart.”

God was pertaining to David. He said, “Hey, I found someone who lives me, who sings and writes songs to me, who is blowing kisses to me. This boy will be king. I chose this boy, because he sought after me…”

Just like David, when we seek God, He will choose us. For what? You know in your heart what that is.

What you really “desire” will be granted to you, because: (a) the fact that you seek your happiness in Him will regulate your desires, so that you will be “disposed” to ask only those things which it will be proper for Him to grant; and (b) the fact that you do find your happiness in him will be a reason why he will grant your desires. The fact that a child loves his father, and finds his happiness in doing his will, will do much to regulate his own “wishes” or “desires,” and will at the same time be a reason why the father will be disposed to comply with his requests.

God bless you..

Life Updates (A Reality Check)

2008-03-17T09:20:00.000+08:00

here is a list of what's up in my life lately...

1. the owner of our boarding house will be letting us stay til april.. at least tehre's time to look for a new place to stay... nothing to worry about now. ^_^

2. i'm coming home for the holy week. gonna arrive this tuesday, and gonna come back on sunday. weee! (might not be able to go OL during this time. i usually go OL when im at school)

3. one of my bestfriends is leaving for cebu on tuesday (the day i arrive in cdo!). she applied for work at teletech. sigh, she's the second one to leave. didnt get to spend time with her. sad =( g'bye eL...

4. the computer science students have elected me as vice president for next year.... hmmm, better than being a president at least. hahaha! man, i'll be doing my best. we plan to make an "elite software development guild" or something like that.

5. something's really up. it seems that i've been one of the subjects of gossip, that a certain someone is my gf daw! now, how did that happen when we didnt see each other for, like, 2 months! yeah, she may be a beauty (and nakaka-bukad ilong ang balita XD), but i dont want her to think that i started that. ako ata ang delikado. wah!

6. im going to apply at Link2Support on wednesday morning. pray for me. i want to get accepted so that i get allowance during summer. XD

7. according to a senior, i didnt get into a company (transco) because i got low gpa's for last two semesters. hey, im a 3rd year regular. what do you expect? comsci is hard (im one of the 3 regs left out of the 40 in the batch.only 3 of us will be getting our ojt this summer)

8. papers, papers, papers... got lots of papers to do for the JASSO scholarship. im applying for Ohayama University i Japan. hopefully, if i get accepted, i'll be in japan starting october til march or september. (depending if i get the full-year or half-year scholarship)

9. i need sleep. i've been coding for the whole week, and sleeping at 3 or 4 am. i'm slowly dying. getting thinner and thinner everyday. not much time to eat anymore... (but lots of time to blog.nyahahaha! XD)

10. coding 9 programs on numerical methods, studying for 3 exams (numerical methods, computability and complexity, eng'g stat), and answering a take-home exam... now, how about THAT for multitasking?

11. some gal was trying to convince me to try out for the debate varsity. what the?! she's the gal i was up against last time... she whipped us up real good though (she's also a classmate of mine in numerical methods)... (tried t' tell me that she was only half as good as me, well, bluntly, i cant debate. XD )i got my hands full on other stuff, so i dont think i can join.

... and those were the top updates in my life... react if you want.. or if you could offer to help me in any of the situations i'm in, please send me a PM... ^_^ that'd b really great.. XD

it's 2:10 am so i guess it's time to work again...

NOTE: i wrote this offline, just to relax a bit before i go back to coding.

cheers!

True Love Waits song

2008-03-12T14:14:00.002+08:00

True Love Waits - Souljahz

this is a song by Souljahz. it was introduced to me by Ching2. when i first heard it, i was really touched by the song. somehow, i could relate. nyahahaha! i hope to post a video of this soon, when i have time. in the meanwhile, here is the lyrics of the song.

True Love Waits

By Souljahz

You've walked this road so many times
And you swore you knew your way
But now you're looking in persuasive eyes
And you don't know what to say
When he tells you he loves you
When he tells you he needs you
When he says it feels so right it can't be wrong
When he says it's the right time
That every things gonna be just fine
Still you know where your heart belongs
So believe that

True love waits don't let anyone change your ways
Look ‘em all straight in the face
And tell ‘em, “No matter what I'll remain the same”
Don't want to be deceived
See I've found the key can't you see that I believe, I believe
That true love waits for me, waits for me

You've told your self you've been here before
You see her face and then you open the door

Now it’s up to you so whatcha gonna do?
You love her with a smile then you love her with a kiss
Some how you both knew that it would come to this
Is it really worth it?
When she tells you she loves you
When she tells you she needs you
But in your heart you still believe

And true love would say, "I'll meet you there if you'll wait"
And true love would say, would say,
"If you wait for me I'll wait for you my love, my love"

True love waits and you gotta keep the faith
With God you're gonna stay strong
With hope you're gonna carry on

Hacking with Google...

2008-03-12T14:09:00.001+08:00

How to HACK using Google?

Google is a very very very powerful tool! If you know how the Internet works and you know how Google works, you can find out some “very secret information” from the dark corners of the Internet.

You see, Google tries to “index” everything that is on the Internet. What does “index” mean? Basically, “index” means, read and remember!

You see, Google is reading websites on the Internet 24 hours a day. It is looking at new websites and new web pages. It looks at each web page and finds out what the web page is about. It decides how good the web page is and also decides many other things about the web page…

Google does all this so that when you search for something using Google, it can give you the most relevant results from among the web pages it has visited. This is what we mean when we say that Google tries to index everything on the Internet.

Now, the part we are interested in: Since Google indexes the Internet, we can find things that are hidden in all the corners of the Internet. If some one has put their password on the net, you can find it! If a big online shopping site, has put all the credit card information of it’s customers on the net, you can find it! You can find some very interesting things if you know how to use Google!

This article will teach you the basics of how to find cool things using Google. indahowto.com does not endorse hacking! Hence, we shall not be showing you how to get “credit card details” and “passwords” etc… But we will show you how to find e-books, movies, games, software, music etc. that is stored on the Internet…

The "funda" behind Google hacks!

On the Internet, the files are saved in the same way as they are saved on your computer. All the files are organized into folders so that they are easy to understand and use.

For example: On your computer, you may have different folders like, “music” or “videos” or “documents” etc.. On the Internet also files are generally organized into folders. For example, a mp3 music website site may have all the songs that the website provides in a directory called “songs”!

Now, if you can use Google to find the "songs" directory, you will have the directory and all the songs in it! That is basically what we are going to teach you how to do…

Note that, it’s not as simple as that. All the big sites, that serve 1000’s of songs and charge for it, are not going to just have their “songs” directory in the open for anyone to hack. There are many ways to protect your website from these Google hacks! Most big websites are protected from Google hacks.

But, this hack is still quite useful because there are many small websites out there who have their “songs” directory in the open and un-protected for anyone to see…

Now, an open or un-protected directory on the Internet, generally looks something like this:

Irrespective of where or how the un-protected directory is, it generally always looks like the image above. This is important because we are going to get Google to search for all these un-protected directories on the Internet…

In the image above, we have marked with a red circle all the parts of un-protected directory page that will be there in every un-protected directory.

The words:

Index of
Name
Last Modified
Size
Description

will be part of almost every un-protected directory. There is also one other part that is there in every un-protected directory on the Internet. This part is, the words: “Index of” in the “Title” of the web page.

If you are not sure what the "title" of a web page is, you could look up to the top-most part of this window. The line right on top is called the title. For example: The title of this web page is: “How to find un-protected directories using Google? :: indiahowto.com”

Similarly, the title of an unprotected web-page will have the words “Index of” in it. So, we are going to get Google to search for all these web pages of un-protected directories. We will be able to do this, using some basic Google commands....

You are probably wondering why we were talking about the "Index of" and the other common elements of the un-protected directory...well, continue to read, then next page will clear up all your doubts....

Basic Google commands...

Google is a search engine and a whole lot more. There are many cool things you can do with Google…For example: Try this….go to Google and type in “122131 + 32112” or “13324 - 231” or “2332 / 231” See what it gives you. Google can also be used as a calculator!

But, that is not needed for what we are trying to do. We just mentioned it so that you would know that there is a lot that Google can do….

What we are trying to do is look for pages that have:

The phrase “Index of” in the title
The phrase “Index of” on the page
The word “Name” on the page
The word “Size” on the page
The word “Description” on the page
The word “Last Modified” on the page

If you we find pages that fit this criteria, we will have found all the un-protected directories on the Internet. So how do we do this?

Type this line in the Google search box:
intitle:"index of" +"index of" +size +name +description +modified

When you search for this, you will find all the un-protected directories on the Internet that Goggle has found! Try to see what people have stored in the unprotected directories! It could be fun!

But, what is more important is, let us try to understand how that line works. Once you understand how that line works, you will be able to make your own lines and extract all sorts of cool things out of Google.

The line: intitle:"index of" +"index of" +size +name +description +modified

It is made up of many different small Google commands. The different commands are:

intitle:"index of" : This tells Google to only search for web pages with the term “index of” in the Title of the web page. The term “intitle:” is called an OPERATOR.

So if you have intitle:"index of" in the search box, Google knows that it has to search for only pages with “index of” in the title…

+"index of" : This tells Google that all the pages that come in the search results, must have “index of” on the page.

The “+” basically tells Google that whatever is after the “+” MUST be there in all the pages that Google provides in the results.

For example: You go to Google and type in “monkey +cat” it will provide all the pages that have the term monkey and also have the term “cat” in them. If you just type in “monkey cat” then the pages that have “monkey or cat” or “monkey and cat” may show up in the search results.

Basically, just remember if you want all searched pages to have a particular word, use the “+”! This is useful is the cases when you are searching for a “synonym” kind of word.

For example: Let us say you are searching for an article about “voice recognition”. But whenever, you type in “voice recognition” the results that come are about “Asha Bhosle”! But what you are looking for is the “method” of voice recognition.

So, to clear up the results, you can use a search terms like this:
“voice recognition” +method –“Asha Bhosle"

Now, you may get much better search results! The search results will be about “voice reognition”…. It will have only pages with the word “method” in them and it will NOT have pages with the term “Asha Bhose” in them.

Things to notice:

If you put anything within “quotation” marks, Google searches for that exact phrase
A “+” behind a term will make sure that term is there in all the results pages
A “-“ behind a term will make sure that term is NOT there in all the results pages
There is NO SPACE between the “+” and the term or the “-“ and the term. Basically there is no space between the “operator” and the term.

Having understood all this, let us look at the whole line again. It should make much more sense:

intitle:"index of" +"index of" +size +name +description +modified

The line basically tells Google to search for pages with:

The phrase “index of” in the title
The phrase “index of” somewhere on the page
The word “name” somewhere on the page
The word “size” somewhere on the page
The word “description” somewhere on the page
The word “modified” somewhere on the page

And if you understood everything till now, you will see how this command can be used to find all the un-protected directories on the Internet! Look at it carefully....

intitle:"index of" +"index of" +size +name +description +modified

Now, let us do cool stuff….let us find ebooks, games, songs etc.. in these un-protected directories!

Finding ebooks, games, songs and much more…

Having understood all this till here, this part should be pretty simple. Let us say you want to find songs, you simply have to tell Google to look for “mp3” files in all the un-protected directories.

To do this you can use this line:
intitle:"index of" +"index of" +size +name +description +modified +mp3

It makes sense, does it not? Just add a “+mp3” at the end. This will make sure that all the pages come up have the term “mp3” in them.

Similarly, if you wanted to find all the “ebooks” in all the up-protected directories, you could use this line:
intitle:"index of" +"index of" +size +name +description +modified +pdf

Incase, you are not sure what “pdf” is, “pdf” is the format in which ebooks come!

You probably get the idea now. But, you are still not getting what exactly you are looking for…you are just getting all the un-protected ebooks and mp3s!

Let us make the search more specific. You can search for a “Dil Se" mp3 using a line like this:
intitle:"index of" +"index of" +size +name +description +modified +mp3 dil se

Notice that I have not put “dil se” in quotes or in front of a “+”. This is because I do not know how the “dil se” file will be saved! It may be saved by some different name like “dilse23.mp3”! So I just let Google figure out the closest match! Basically if you are not sure about the exact words the web page will contain, just type it without any operator or quotes and let Google figure out the closest match!

Now, you probably have a good understanding of how to get the search to work for you. Just to give you a few examples:

To search for WinZip program in the un-protected directories you might use something like:
intitle:"index of" +"index of" +size +name +description +modified +exe win zip

To search for a “Harry Potter” ebook, you might want to use something like:
intitle:"index of" +"index of" +size +name +description +modified +pdf harry potter

And that concludes my tutorial for today...

Happy hacking!

Why I Wait. (Proud Confessions)

2008-03-07T04:14:00.002+08:00

(I dedicate this article to that person in the future, the one love, and the one I will be with for the rest of my lifetime. Wherever you are, whoever you are, I know someday, somehow, we will see each other when the time is right and when I’m a better person. Only God knows when that is. I will be patient.)

Another mush article? Most probably. But if you want to hear it from someone who has never had a girlfriend since birth (and I proudly confess that), it just might be a different kind of mush that you know.

Yes, i never had a girlfriend. Why? Well, I think I have two answers:

MY "OTHER" CONFESSION

Let’s just put it this way, I don't know how to court a girl. Ridiculous? I don’t know. Peculiar? Maybe. Usually, when I reply to this question using this answer, the inquirer would laugh out loud and think I’m a geek or something. I really don’t understand. Are guys even supposed to have that innate ability to court, or does that just pop in their heads? Where do they learn that anyway (by "they", I mean guys who "know" how)? is there anything wrong with not being able to court?

The thing is, I still don’t want to court anyone YET. I strongly believe that sooner or later, when the time has come, everything will just flow smoothly for me, and the person I love. I don’t have to do anything, or even try, because if she really was meant for me, then she will accept me for who I am, my lapses, my failures, and my disappointments.

And this leads me to my second answer.

WAITING?

One of my key personal principles is to be a gentleman to women/ladies/girls. it's not some act to get girls to like me, it's my way of respecting them. Opening doors, carrying books and other heavier stuff, or just sitting and chatting with someone who’s alone are my ways of telling them that I value them and that I care for them, as a friend (or as a big brother). Why should I treat them special? Because they are.

More than anything, women want respect, care, and they want to feel loved (I know this because I have two sisters I so dearly love). And there is no one else more able to break her heart, than the one she loves. I have seen so many broken hearts and shattered dreams that most of the time, I wonder if guys just courted them for fun, or something. My heart breaks for those broken hearts, and for the girls who have cried on my shoulders, or in front of me.

I suddenly realized that I am an incomplete gentleman if I didn’t know how to take care of a woman’s heart. This is the most essential part of the woman that guys take for granted: her heart. It is here that she stores what she wants to say the most, and sees the things she wants to happen in the future.

I then changed. I decided to become someone women will trust their hearts with, and take care of them, as I take care of their glass hearts.

In the same way, I decided to keep in myself the promise to take care of the heart of that person I love (I don’t know who she is yet), by just saving myself for her. That way, I’ll spare myself from unnecessary heartaches. I don’t want to get into a relationship that I will regret, and then flee from; I want my first girlfriend to see that I love her that much to wait for her all these years.

And I’m still waiting.

The reason why I wait is because I know I’m still not ready for a relationship (A “serious relationship” is just a relationship. There is no other kind of relationship other than that). I wait because I am still incomplete. I am still too far from who I should be.

And when I say that I’m waiting, I’m not saying that during this time, I’m doing nothing but gaze at the passing time. Waiting is not a passive activity, but rather the opposite. During my period of waiting, I find myself being developed into a more mature person, molded by God, to become who He wants me to be. My waiting becomes futile if I do not change myself, for in changing, I become the best for the person I love. As they say, “If you want to marry a queen, then, you should be, yourself, a king.” Instead of waiting for the right one, I become the right one.

And when the wait is done, when I have found the one God has destined to be with, for my whole lifetime, she will be my first, and my last. For I will bring her to the altar, and marry her. For what purpose was gf/bf made, than to bring two people together, and ultimately be together for life?

She would not need to ask me to show her how much I love her, for with just waiting, I show her that I do.

And when we are standing in front of the altar, when everyone is there to watch our matrimony, I will tell her this:

“You are my first, and my last. The one I have waited for my whole life. The one who God has prepared for me. The one who I was prepared for. The person who I did not know before, but have already loved. The sweetest wait that I have, and never will regret. I love you, just like this. You may not be the perfect girl, but I don’t need someone perfect. I’d rather have the right one than the perfect one. And I’m glad I waited.”

For now, may mga bagay na gusto kong mangyari but if minadali ko yun, things wouldn't be as beautiful as when I wait for the right time. The Lord is in control of my life and all that will come my way. I only have to trust Him and leave everything in His hands.

Sympathy in the Presence of Silence

2008-03-05T13:57:00.000+08:00

Sympathy is a social affinity in which one person stands with another person, closely understanding her or his feelings. Sympathy comes from the Latin sympatha, from Greek: συμπάθεια transliterated as sympatheia, from συν + πάσχω = συμπάσχω literally: to suffer together or "feeling with." It also can mean being affected by like feelings or emotions. Thus the essence of sympathy is that one has a strong concern for the other person. Sympathy should not be confused with empathy (more than simply the recognition of another's suffering, empathy is actually sharing another's suffering, if only briefly).

Sympathy exists when the feelings or emotions of one person are deeply understood and even appreciated by another person. In common usage, sympathy is usually making known one's understanding of another's unhappiness or suffering...

...The psychological state of sympathy is closely linked with that of compassion and empathy.

- from wikipedia (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sympathy)

Usually, people symapthize with others who are feeling sad, angry, lonely, disappointed, scared, and whatever. It's what people do to cheer another up. but what's wrong with people today is that they try to tell the other person that they "perfectly know how you feel", but most really don't. yes, it may be just a way to cheer another up, but most of the time (if not all the time) it doesnt help a bit.

Reading from a depressed friend's blog, someone comments on her post "...ok ra na...blah blah". what's wrong with this statement here is that it assumes the situation is okay, when in fact it isn't. you'll only get the grieving person more irritated at your attempt to cheer them up. most people find that these are the only words they could conjure up to comfort a friend in need.

their mistake : you dont need words.

Words say too little of what is felt, and too much of what is in the heart. it is useless to the friend-in-need, because what he/she can only hear is the echo of pain, anger, and hurt... words can be misunderstood. and words cant really say what we really want.

that's where silence comes in.

silence can never be understood. in silence, a person's presence is enough, for silence is the best way to convey feelings, without being misunderstood.

silence is the voice of what we really feel inside...

... when we are mute by the words of our mouth...

my name meaning... XD

2008-02-21T12:30:00.003+08:00

i didnt have some fun so i slipped into the site called blogsthings.com, and i found this quiz.. i took it, and these are the results! tada! hmmm.. i dunno about what you think, but i dont think this is really me they are describing. hahaha!:D
judge me... :P

What John Reuben Means

You are fair, honest, and logical. You are a natural leader, and people
respect you.

You never give up, and you will succeed... even if it takes you a
hundred tries.

You are rational enough to see every part of a problem. You are great
at giving other people advice.

You are well rounded, with a complete perspective on life.

You are solid and dependable. You are loyal, and people can count on
you.

At times, you can be a bit too serious. You tend to put too much
pressure on yourself.

You are truly an original person. You have amazing ideas, and the power
to carry them out.

Success comes rather easily for you... especially in business and
academia.

Some people find you to be selfish and a bit overbearing. You're a
strong person.

You are very intuitive and wise. You understand the world better than
most people.

You also have a very active imagination. You often get carried away
with your thoughts.

You are prone to a little paranoia and jealousy. You sometimes go
overboard in interpreting signals.

You are wild, crazy, and a huge rebel. You're always up to
something.

You have a ton of energy, and most people can't handle you. You're very
intense.

You definitely are a handful, and you're likely to get in trouble. But
your kind of trouble is a lot of fun.

You are friendly, charming, and warm. You get along with almost
everyone.

You work hard not to rock the boat. Your easy going attitude brings
people together.

At times, you can be a little flaky and irresponsible. But for the
important things, you pull it together.

You are a very lucky person. Things just always seem to go your
way.

And because you're so lucky, you don't really have a lot of worries.
You just hope for the best in life.

You're sometimes a little guilty of being greedy. Spread your luck
around a little to people who need it.

You are full of energy. You are spirited and boisterous.

You are bold and daring. You are willing to do some pretty outrageous
things.

Your high energy sometimes gets you in trouble. You can have a pretty
bad temper at times.

UPDATES

2008-02-21T12:08:00.003+08:00

min.. hmm.. well, got a new layout, did some posts and now I'm back online! woohoo!
i've really got a lot of time in my hands.. but hopefully, ill be able to blog again everyday... :D

anyway, updates in my life... hmm...
ah yeah, later, me and a friend, rachel are going to CDO to watch a play by the GCLEF, Jesus Christ Superstar! im quite curoius about this because i dont know anything about this play. good thing we were invited by Seb Hannah.

aside from that, right now, im working on a thesis project by some 5th year ece students. they hired me to program a programmable integrated circuit, and its all pure fun, 1coz i get to learn some hardware and software stuff! plus 2 new programming languages like PicBasic and programming PICs in C.
their project is soooo cool! they're making a robot frog! wahehehe! and i get to put some AI codes in it and teach it to walk! weee!

anyway, (i havent eaten lunch yet! gotta eat!) this is all i could post from now. prior to this post, i posted a book review on the book Orthodoxy by Gilbert Chesterton. i recommend you read the review, and then the book, its quite a reading for those who want to defend their faith and for those who just want to strengthen it.:D

whew! its been a while since ive blogged, and now... tadaima!

My eyes.. XP

2008-02-21T11:14:00.005+08:00

Dang-it, my eyes, are hurting... >_<
I was in front of the PC form 7AM to 11PM yesterday...
... that, or maybe I'm awakening my Mangekyou.. Mwahahaha!

anyway, at last, i caught up with the naruto manga series! the latest chapter is 389.. it was quite sad that jiraiya didnt make it... but i dont think jiraiya is dead, i mean, he just floated off in the water... maybe he'll survive... i hope. :p

The Cry

2008-02-20T17:04:00.002+08:00

The Cry

Composed by: JR Requiroso
Performed by: JR Requiroso

Broken and humbled, I come to You
Lord, I'm so tired, and I don't know what to do
Hear this cry from a contrite heart
I keep silent, not knowing where to start

My actions have been in vain
So Lord, let Your Spirit fall like rain
My hands are empty, and my soul is too
Now I'm crying out for You

CHORUS:
Help me please,
Amidst all these confusions,
This is my confession that I can't live without You
Reach for me,
'Coz my soul yearns for You alone,
a healing to a heart of stone,
and life to a pile of bones

BRIDGE:
And I know, I've made my mistake
Lord, I need Your grace,
Please come into my heart for the rest of my days
And I've seen how far I have strayed from You
Now I'm crying out for You

OUTRO:
When all has been said and done
You gave Your One and Only Son
Now I know I'll live for eternity
No more condemnation, I am free

Note: this song was composed after i had a conversation with a former close friend. The lyrics just flooded into my head and I just started to write it down. When that was done, I'm just so surprised at the outcome. This song has that "Bamboo" genre, with the rapping and singing that has that sort of jazzy kind of tune. Our youth pastor told me that this song would be included in our Youth Praise CD. I pray that you will be blessed by this song. God bless!

To My Brother on His Graduation

2007-03-23T09:29:00.000+08:00

Yo bro! I'm sorry I didn't get to be there on your graduation day. I didn't mean to not be there. I was supposed to have an exam. Well, surprise surprise! My prof cancelled the exam on the last minute! ARRGH! I was so frustrated! I could've gone to your graduation, if he would have announced it earlier. If there was someone to blame, it would be him. hehehe, just joking! Well, I can't do anything about it, what's done is done, so we'll have to live with that... I just have to make it up to you somehow.

Anyway, I'm not writing this to apologize for the mistake of my prof (stupid prof). I have other reasons as well. One is to congratulate you. Congratulations! You have just graduated! Wehehehe! Anyway, that's not the thing here, I want to tell you some things that are coming your way, in the hope that you would not make the same mistakes I have gone through.

Ahh, yes, another chapter of your life is through, yet another is beginning. This chapter of your life is pretty much important. I'm not gonna explain the physiological and biological changes you are going to undertake as you move on to high school, I'll leave that to your professor (who hopefully would not be as stupid as mine).

High school is the phase in your life where you truly decide on who you are, whether a gaming addict, a playboy, a genius, or a nobody. It's this phase in life where many people fail to be who they want to be, and follow instead what they want to do in the present. This is one BIG mistake. now, this is wher my first advice comes in:

(1) Never look on what you presently have, but instead look to the future.

This will keep you from hurting yourself or misleading you to some other place you shouldn't be in. It's not running away from pain or anything, that's what God really whats us to do: to face tomorrow with that confidence in Him that we will never fail because He is there.

(2) Life is never fair or easy. Don't expect it to be that way.

High school life won't be easy, it's full of challenges, trials and temptations that would try to eat your head off. But these things are not in the way to let you fail, on the contrary, these things are in your way, 'coz God thinks and knows that you are able to overcome these things. God will never give you any trial that you will not be able to triumph over. When you start thinking that life is unfair, remember what the people did to Jesus. Did Jesus ever complain of life being unfair? He was whipped, spat on and crucified. No. All he thought about was what would happen if he died for you. Was life unfair to Him?

(3) Don't let emotions get to you, and never play with anyone's feelings!

Yeah, this one is really common. High schoolers tend to get excited over new feelings, and stuff like that. Don't let your emotions rule you! You should be the one in control and not your emotions! uhhm, simply saying, you're growing really fast, now, and you have to deal with these kind of things too. I know you're attractive (of course! Who do you think you got your looks?!) and lots of girls will "fall" for you, as they say. It's not your fault. They just like the thrill of "falling". Don't play with their feelings, 'coz they might think you're serious about it. If you do, you'll end up with a broken friendship, or in the worst-case scenario, with a broken heart.

Your friends will say "follow your heart", but God says "follow me". Who will you choose to follow? The world has set it's own standards. Such disappointing and low standards. Do not level yourself down to these standards. God has set His standards for you to follow. As He has promised in Jeremiah 29:11,

"'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'Plans to prosper you and not to harm you; plans to give you a hope and a future.'"

And trust God to fulfill His promise. God is not a liar. If, for some reason, there are things you don't understand Him or doubt His plans for you, remind yourself that God is not a man that we can fathom His mind. If we are able to fathom the depths of His mind, the He will not be God at all!

(3) Independence?!

Ahh, yes, the world made that idea if independence. But, if you think about it, God never made us to be independent, God wanted us to be DEPENDENT to Him! so therefore, there is no such thing as an independent Christian. If you're really a Christian, that means you have given your life to be ruled over by God, that you have given Him full control. Don't be fooled by poeple who say they are independent. They are not. They just like playing pretend so that they can show off to people.

(4) Let God be your example.

Don't let the world mold you into a piece of clay pot that would only be used for gathering swadust, but instead let God mold you into a jar of clay that would hold treasuers in it. Let the fruit of the Spirit dwell in you as you grow in the knowledge of God. Don't neglect your personal time with God. Grow in love with Him, for He is able to do exceedingly and abundantly, more that whatever we can ask for or ever imagine!

Uhmm, honestly, I have sooo many things to tell you. Maybe I'll just tell you personally, later on in life. I just want you to know that I love you, and that though I'm not ther with you physically, I'm still the older brother you have that will always love you no matter what, despite the petty quarrels, the constant nuisances, and the underwear wedgies.

So bro, go take on life with a smile on your face! Never listen to what the world tells you, and when it kicks you down, look straight at it's eyes and say, "Hey I've got a God who can turn you to dust. Hands off, buster, this one's for God." Be focused only on God. Don't lose that focus. Be a blessing. Let your light shine. Fight for God!

and one last thing, if obe dream should fail and break into a thousand peices, never be afraid to pick one of those pieces up and begin again. That's the beauty of being alive - we acn always start all over again. Enjoy God's wonderful opportunities bestoed on us... Have faith in Him always.

~Kuya Reu

Who is she?

2007-03-21T16:19:00.000+08:00

Night of March 18, 2007

(Before dreaming of this, i was studying for my mathematics exam for the next day)

I dreamed of walking in a wide alley, bounded by really tall buildings. As I walked, there were people who walked with me. There was only one direction to go to, and that was forward. I don't know who those people were, but they were very familiar to me. I did not recognize their faces, but somehow, somewhere, I knew who they were.

I can remember that there was a group of guys and girls ahead of me. One girl was wearing a pink skirt (though I don't know why I remember that). I followed them, by sheer instinct.

Suddenly, someone gently took my hand. The hands were as soft as a baby's skin and as smooth as silk. I turned around to see who it was. A girl was there. She had long hair, a slender body, fair skin, and (I can't remember what she really looked like) very cute. She looked at me with such a sweet smile, i thought i would melt.

And then, she spoke.

"Have you asked my parents yet?" She said with a voice sweeter than her smile.

I was puzzled. I did not know what to say. Apparently, she knew who i was, and i guess i was supposed to know who she was.

"Asked them what?" Her smile widened, and increased the intensity of my melting process.

"About courting me," she said, still holding my hand.

My jaw dropped.

"WHAT?!" i said in shock. When? Who? Why? How? I didn't even know who this girl is, and here she is asking me something that i have never done before in my lifetime: court someone! I tried to remember who she was, looking for a familiar matching face, but to no avail.

I kept silent while she smiled on. We started walking slowly together, hand in hand. She walked with such grace i have never seen before, all the while I was looking for answers, not knowing what to do, asking myself constantly: WHO IS SHE?

She let go of my hand and walked behind me. Again, i don't know why.

There were about 3 steps down ahead of me, so i took them, not looking back at the girl. When i got to the last step, she suddenly put her hands around my neck and hugged me, so i stopped.

She laughed. Such sweet laughter, full of innocence, full of life... full of love. Could she be... her? Is she that someone i would spend my whole life with? Why do i suddenly feel something for her, as though i knew who she was?

Why dream of this?

What does it all mean?

Was it just a dream, or something more than that?

And more importantly, who is she?

Woke up at 8:46 AM

[Moonlight]

2006-06-28T17:42:00.000+08:00

Why did God make this? Since the night is destined for sleep, unconsciousness, repose, forgetfulness of everything, why make it more charming than day, softer than dawn or evening? And does why this seductive planet, more poetic than the sun, that seems destined, so discreet is it, to illuminate things too delicate and mysterious for the light of day, make the darkness so transparent?

Why does not the greatest of feathered songsters sleep like the others? Why does it pour forth its voice in the mysterious night?

Why this half-veil cast over the world? Why these tremblings of the heart, this emotion of the spirit, this enervation of the body? Why this display of enchantments that human beings do not see, since they are lying in their beds? For whom is destined this sublime spectacle, this abundance of poetry cast from heaven to earth?

[blessed]

2006-03-30T16:45:00.000+08:00

its been a while since i posed. well, here i am again. :D its summer,and its time for fun,well,at least its supposed to be...:D but before i go there,id like to tell y'all about my friends. they're really special to me, although we just started to become close. and so i'd proudly like to introduce 'em to ya!:D

Name: Ely
From: GenSan

Brief Description:

This is ely, the only "thorn" among the roses.:D nyahaha! her child-like personality makes her really fun to talk and play around with. she likes to write, watch anime, go walking around, or just sleep.:D she has this really nice voice when she sings...ah, yes,she is also taking guitar lessons from me, and sometimes jan.

Name: Archie
From: Zamboanga

Brief Description:

here, we see archie, the most optimistic guy i have ever met!:D his cheerful dispostition will never fail to brighten up anyone's day!:D he's a really nice guy whose always ready for a laugh.:D but,you know, it would pe pointless for me to describe this colorful guy!:D i suggest you meet him yourself and see how a moment with him is never boring...

Name: Jan
From: Bukidnon

Brief Description:

ah, of course jan!:D this guy is really gifted with music!:D he knows how to play the guitar, bass, and drums, plus he also is skilled in dancing!:D he's the first guy i met when i first attended ROLF's youth fellowship. he is quite a mature Christian, and i see him very sucessful in the Lord in the future.

all these guys, their testimonies, their past, their present, everything! it blesses be to have such friends who fear the Lord. THIS is what i was praying for since high school!:D well, i hope someday, you would meet these guys and be blessed with their lives. i know i am..:D God bless you all!:D